1. The Relationship
The Relationship between You and The Girlfriend is governed by this Contract and other documents that may be presented at various times during the tenure of the Relationship. In agreeing to have a Relationship with The Girlfriend, You agree to be bound by these terms.
The Relationship is non-binding and may be cancelled by The Girlfriend without notice.
2. Rights and Communications
The Relationship gives The Girlfriend certain irrevocable rights during its tenure including, but not limited to, music and videos, articles of unisex clothing, the contents of refrigerators, and the usage of computers and other electronic equipment.
The Girlfriend reserves the right to initiate Phone Calls about How the Day Went. Not fulfilling this duty may make You subject to a Penalty.
Both Parties may ask for Public Displays of Affection. In private, You may ask The Girlfriend for (1) Cuddling and (2) Quality Time. However, (3) Sex will be rate-limited and doled out solely at the discretion of The Girlfriend. You have unlimited Phone Calls about How the Day Went privileges.
You are subject to a one Chick Flick per month requirement. In the case of Sex and the City or Dancing with the Stars is on TV, you may not change the channel to sports or anything that might be construed as entertaining or substantive.
3. Birthdays and Gifts
Birthdays, anniversaries, and Special Dates must be remembered and celebrated. For a complete list of Special Dates, please consult your Manual. A partial list is printed below for Your perusal:
- Monthly Anniversary
- Lunar Monthly Anniversary
- Release Dates of Sex and the City Media
At no point during the Birthday must You mention Age.
In the course of the Relationship, The Girlfriend may at times monitor your third-party communication. In the event of unsatisfactory performance, abuse of communication privileges, or general Unhappiness, The Girlfriend reserves the right to terminate said Relationship and optionally Air Dirty Laundry in Public.
5. Other Rights and Requirements
From time to time, The Girlfriend may add other Rights and Requirements to this Document. The Girlfriend is not required to send You a notification in such an event, so please check this Contract regularly.
Sign below to accept.
_________________________ (Full Name)